Big Decisions- Taking the Plunge
I have always prided myself on the ability to make decisions. Not necessarily good decisions but I learned early on, to make a decision and to commit. I remember the day I decided I was going to learn how to swim. I was six years old and standing at the edge of our swimming pool at home (yes I was blessed enough at that age to live in quite an enormous house with a swimming pool, and although my childhood varied somewhat economically I have been always been truly blessed... but I digress).
I looked at the deep end, and prior to that time I was afraid of the deep, of deep water. Suddenly I knew I could swim, or at least stay afloat, doggy paddle. I just thought- so many people can do this how hard can it be. And if I can't swim, I can walk along the bottom and make it to the shallow. I jumped in and I swam to the other side. I am sure it was not glamorous but I was not afraid and never have been since of the deep. The result is that I dive in head first and wholeheartedly to my benefit or my detriment, but I know you can't swim without getting wet.
When I am indecisive (which is not often) it is so paralyzing. But today I suddenly realized why I was so indecisive, because I was afraid... not afraid to sink, but a new fear... afraid to succeed, afraid to have arrived at my purpose and then to have to deliver.
Today I finally made a decision that took me a long time to make... maybe the last four to five months. This was a decision between two jobs. I am at a point in my life where I have found the right life partner I have found the place that I want to be my home and so the last restless area has been my job and career path. I guess I was afraid also to give up the restlessness that defined the earlier part of my life. The searching has its own glamour. Today I am shedding that identity and beginning another journey with another piece of my life purpose. I am still afraid, but I am committed and ready to take the plunge.
I looked at the deep end, and prior to that time I was afraid of the deep, of deep water. Suddenly I knew I could swim, or at least stay afloat, doggy paddle. I just thought- so many people can do this how hard can it be. And if I can't swim, I can walk along the bottom and make it to the shallow. I jumped in and I swam to the other side. I am sure it was not glamorous but I was not afraid and never have been since of the deep. The result is that I dive in head first and wholeheartedly to my benefit or my detriment, but I know you can't swim without getting wet.
When I am indecisive (which is not often) it is so paralyzing. But today I suddenly realized why I was so indecisive, because I was afraid... not afraid to sink, but a new fear... afraid to succeed, afraid to have arrived at my purpose and then to have to deliver.
Today I finally made a decision that took me a long time to make... maybe the last four to five months. This was a decision between two jobs. I am at a point in my life where I have found the right life partner I have found the place that I want to be my home and so the last restless area has been my job and career path. I guess I was afraid also to give up the restlessness that defined the earlier part of my life. The searching has its own glamour. Today I am shedding that identity and beginning another journey with another piece of my life purpose. I am still afraid, but I am committed and ready to take the plunge.
See, this is exactly why I do not blog ... i am deathly afraid of revealing my deep seated fears to the world (or at least the few people who would read it) ...
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you took the plunge, it makes my plunge a little easier :)